I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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