maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
