wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
