his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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