Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
