My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
