i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
