I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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