i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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