BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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