does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
that is very illegal...i love you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
