Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
