I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
