Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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