Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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