Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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