I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
