You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
