I hate all girls vehemently.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
