all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
