Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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