She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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