I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I look better un-naked...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
