once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
