I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
