This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
