I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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