Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
