Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
