do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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