At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
