one might say we're banned from that church
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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