break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
