I'm really into asian looking animals
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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