I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
