Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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