That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
