This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
