can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
