It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
