it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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