I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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