I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
