2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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