AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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