WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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