nutella sex= disaster
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
