I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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