I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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