I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
