i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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