He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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