There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
