Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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