Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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