Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
