This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up under a house in Key West
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
