I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize