Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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