I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
