Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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