bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
