Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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