Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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