last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
