just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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