My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
