he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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