I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
