Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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