actually, I'm a sock model
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
