He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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